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Communication is a word that is often heard in business or relationship contexts. It’s often referred to as being key to success or failures. Our lives are whelmed by activities, responsibilities, and distractions. A multitude of communication media (such as email, instant messages, text messages, and calls) surrounds us. As a result, it’s become relatively easy for a message to be misunderstood or partially forgotten. Ensuring clear and concise communication is a way to circumvent this. Another is documentation. Where permissible, document your communication in writing so that you and the message’s recipients will have a guide by which to remember responsibilities, decisions, and reasons for those decisions in the future. There are a number of ways this can be done without insulting or discouraging the other person. We’ll go into these methods tomorrow.

If you can tell that a critical situation is escalating, and you are contributing to that escalation, take a step back and evaluate (i) what are your goals – what do you really want to achieve – and (ii) if the responses you are considering will actually lead to obtaining that goal. Sometimes, all that is required to diffuse an escalating situation is one cool mind.

Men might not recognize it, but, women are often the real leaders in many situations. Women tend to wield a lot more influence behind the scenes than in front. Do you really think Barack Obama would be where he is now if Michelle didn’t want him there? Cross the wrong woman in a workplace, and you could spend years wondering how your skyrocketing career suddenly sputtered.

That’s why, when in a room full of people, it’s always prudent to appease the sensibilities of the influential and semi-influential women first. Generally, men won’t care if you don’t heap a lot of attention on them or show excessive deference, but, the women might. Getting on the bad side of a woman with even a modicum of influence is not a good idea. However, get the right woman on your side, and she’ll go to bat for you – very likely without your urging or knowledge – as long as it’s not obviously against her best interest.

As such, when running a proposal by a group, or seeking their support or agreement, turn to the women in the room for approval or buy-in first, then move on to the men.

If you want to accelerate a new hire’s development, partner him with a superior whose behaviors and successes you’d like your new employee to emulate.

The following conclusions are not based on a scientific study performed by TPLL members, but are based on observations that have been supported by studies performed by other groups.

To say that there’s a conflict between generations is so common it’s a cliché serving very little value anymore. However, where it does have relevance is in communication.

When it comes to negotiating relationships, it’s important to understand a person’s communication preferences. Recognizing how a person prefers to communicate and tends to respond to a form of communication empowers you to understand their message, better control your message, and reduce unintended strife. Managers, accepting and adapting to these differences will also improve efficiency within your team.

Our general observations have been that people under 30 tend to be more comfortable communicating electronically. For quick conversations, many would prefer IMs over calls. Interpersonal forms of communication are more intrusive, putting immediate demands on their time, while electronic communication provides them greater flexibility. To the extent they are not permitted to respond to electronic correspondence at their convenience, they can use the tool(s) to manage expectations with less pressure than interpersonal communication.

Also, our general observation has been that people over 50 tend to be more comfortable with interpersonal forms of communication, such as face-to-face conversations or calls. In contrast to people under 30, people over 50 tend to view electronic correspondence as being too intrusive. They feel obligated to respond to electronic communication right away and can be overwhelmed by a full inbox. They enjoy the personal touch that comes with seeing someone in person, and appreciate using inflection and body language to glean a more complete picture of the message.

We note that people in between these ages appear to be less inclined towards electronic communication than interpersonal communication by an increasing degree at each successive age (e.g. in general, people aged 45 seem to be less inclined towards electronic communication than those aged 35), but are more adaptable to and accepting of the preferred form of communication of their audience and correspondents.

If you are naturally shy and plan to attend an event, fight the inclination to be fashionably late. Instead, be fashionably early – arrive shortly before or as the event starts. People are more receptive to socializing outside their network, outside their comfort zone, when there are fewer members of their comfort zone available. It provides you an opportunity to shine to those you know and break the ice with those you don’t. By the end of the event, you’ll likely find you’ve been added to the comfort zone (network) of some of the same people.

Originally published 21 August 2010.

If you’d like to be polite by trying a dish someone else has made, but suspect you will not like the dish, take only a small portion at the start of the meal. Then, if you like it, you can take more. If you don’t like it, you can give the impression that you like it by requesting more near the end of the meal – once your plate is cleared – but eat very little or none of it. You might be able to give the impression (some people see through this easily) that you are eating the dish by toying with it or moving it around on your plate. A more convincing method is lifting up a small portion of the food on a utensil as you are about to communicate a point, begin making the point before bringing the food to your mouth, then return the utensil and untouched food to your plate as though making your point distracted you from eating. Then, declare that you are too full to eat more of the wonderful food.

We do not suggest doing this – giving the impression that you like something you do not – if there’s a very good chance you’ll be served the same dish on a regular basis as a result of the compliment. If that is the case, it’ll probably be in your best interest to make your opinion of the dish very clear.